Bug
Nidadavolu Malathi
Early morning beams were piercing through the dark night and crawling on to umpteen
directions faintly.
Vallari opened her eyes leisurely, looked around, stretched and got up from the bed. She
opened the glass patio door, went into the kitchen, heated water and poured it in to the
coffee filter to brew. While the viscous coffee was seeping into the bottom dish, she went into
the bathroom to brush her teeth. She held the toothpaste tube in one hand and the brush on
the other.
It was in that moment, she noticed the bug. It came from nowhere, flew across her face and
sat on the mirror in front of her; it was cute, only for a moment though.
Vallari stared at the bug for a second, and looked around for something to drive it away. She
grabbed the towel and tried to impel the bug to leave the room.
The bug was in no mood to leave the room. Probably, for the bug also just dawned the same
moment; it was as vibrant as Vallari after her first cup of strong coffee. The bug started
hopping around deftly from mirror to the wall, to the shower curtain, and back to the mirror,
like an amateur dancer just turned pro. Apparently, it was a performance of its lifetime!
What’s her problem? Trying to provoke me? Hum, even laughing at me … in its own way of
course, ha, ha in its own language? It was not funny though. That’s not the thing she would
look forward to first thing in the morning. She hadn’t had her first coffee yet. No, this certainly
was not amusing to her. “Okay, you do your acrobats as long as you please and leave,” she
told the bug and started brushing her teeth vigorously.
Generally speaking, the houses in America may not have been built in the innermost corners
of some god-forsaken woods, not the woods wherein crows and ants cannot penetrate as
the saying goes, yet the houses are built airtight. Some of the houses are built with such
flimsy materials that a bike can run into the wall and go through easily. Forget the fresh air
from the green pastures, not even the air from the pine trees in the yard may enter the
house.
It was amusing to Vallari. Anyway, because the houses are built airtight, Vallari had gotten
into the habit of opening the patio door and the bedroom windows in the morning as soon
she woke up. She would leave them open hoping some fresh air would flow in before and
closed the doors before she went to work.
Living room had a glass door and a mesh. Several of her friends suggested that she should
have a mesh door installed in her bedroom as well; the mesh would keep the bugs, flies,
mosquitoes and other such mean creatures out while bringing in fresh cool air, they said.
She did not relish the thought. “It’s okay. They’re also creatures like us after all, aren’t they?
Let them come in like any other relative. They’re not going to move in with me forever, right?
I don’t mind if they use my home as a thoroughfare,” she said, sounding casual. To tell the
truth, it never happened; never the mosquitoes or other bugs swarmed the place in a big
way and annoyed her. It is only now, and just this one bug; probably it’s got lost!
She kept brooding over and glared at it again. Wonder if it had a name? What could it be? It
has wings like butterfly but surely has no other signs to indicate that it is a butterfly. It is dark
like a fly but then again a bit too large to be a fly. She heard of big flies but this one is really
large.
The bug came into the room as soon as she turned the light on in the bathroom and settled
on the mirror. Maybe this is attracted to light. Hum, after she had left India, she had forgotten
so many things; Vallari is losing her memory! She even forgets that she is a Telugu woman,
not until and unless someone invited her for Dasara or Deepavali festivities.
She turned her eyes toward the bug again. It was hovering around and staying close to the
light. It might go away if the light was turned off, she thought. She turned off the light, waited
silently for a couple of minutes as if praying for peace on earth and turned the light on again.
It was gone! What a relief! She sighed.
She washed up quickly and went into the kitchen, poured fresh, hot coffee into a cup and sat
down in front of the computer. She was ready for the latest news and chat via the MS window.
She turned on the computer and lo and behold! The bug was sitting on the wall, as if intent
on annoying her. Vallari was annoyed of course. “What a …” she cursed the bug; then came
to her senses. “Why am I wasting my precious time for this squalid creature,” she chided
herself and opened the mail.
The bug probably considered her behavior disrespectful; it flew away. Vallari watched its
departure. She was happy and sad at the same time. She was happy that it was gone and
sad thinking she might have hurt its feelings.
Entertaining several conflicting emotions thus, she spent an hour on the PC and went into
the living room to watch TV. As she was settling down on the couch, looked up, found the
bug on the wire mesh! She was stunned for a second, stared at the bug for a few more
seconds and decided to let go of it.
She sat down with her second cup of coffee; her eyes were hovering around. She was
amused too in a strange way. She was looking for the bug without thinking. The popular
proverb came to her mind, like the lady having no relatives laments for the devil! Then
something else occurred to her—maybe it was trying to go outside but could not get through
the mesh?
Vallari opened the mesh door slightly to make way for the bug to escape.
The bug either did not understand Vallari’s well-meaning intentions or had no intention of
going out, or, thought it was not time yet … anyway, it did not leave the premises.
Now, Vallari had another thought. It was also possible that the bug’s tiny legs got stuck in the
wire-mesh and thus rendered it helpless to fly. With great hesitation, she brought her index
finger close to the bug, barely touching one of its wings.
The bug moved just about one tenth of one millimeter to the left and made itself comfortable.
Vallari took a deep breath. She was sorry for the bug assuming the poor bug got lost and
tried to help. The bug however did not appreciate her concern, or so it seemed. It was in no
mood to go out despite Vallari’s efforts to help it. That was beyond her comprehension—why
this bug would not want to go into this wide world? The whole world was wide open for it to
enjoy with the readily available light provided by the sun naturally. Why be stuck within these
four walls? What kind of pleasure it is getting or seeking from this artificial light in this airtight
room? Vallari could not comprehend the bug’s mode of thinking. If the bug has come into the
room only for the light, is the light outside not thousand times brighter? Hum! We entertain
such thoughts about people but come to think of it, probably it is the same with bugs too! All
living creatures yield to the temptation by the tiny bit of light that flashes through a small
hole, and enter the hole, hoping to harvest the pleasures of light in abundance.
“Hello! You, empty-head! Here is the path to the outside world; there is unconditional,
unlimited freedom; go, just go and revel in it. Why do you want to get entangled in the maze
of this tiny light,” she told herself, pretending to be addressing the bug, as she set out to
complete her routine.
It was 4:00 in the afternoon by the time Vallari was done with her work in town and returned
home. She walked to the windows to close the glass panels before turning the AC on.
Involuntarily, her eyes searched for the bug; no, it was not there. She was relieved, turned
on the AC. and slumped in the couch with a cup of green tea. Involuntarily, her eyes turned
toward the patio door again. The bug was there! Not on the door but on the carpet below,
flat on its back. Vallari’s heart twitched. She got up and approached the bug apprehensively,
and took a good look at it. No doubt, its life had come to an end. Is this a suicide or
accident? Is it homicide or involuntary manslaughter, or rather, bugslaughter? Vallari picked
it up without further ado and threw it out the door.
She could not stop thinking about it though. Apparently the bug’s role had ended in this
world of illusion. After teasing her, annoying her, and pushing her to the edge for nearly four
hours, the bug left. Vallari could not decide whether she should thank the bug or tender her
apologies.
The following day, Vallari woke and was about to open the patio door. She remembered
yesterday’s sideshow and stopped. Then opened the door a little and peeked. No sight of
bugs.
She sat down in front of the computer with her usual cup of coffee. As she was about to
move the mouse, a bug perched on the back of her hand like a pet parrot. She chuckled;
poor thing, this bug did not know the fate encountered by another bug the day before. This
bug, once again was stuck amidst these four walls, and would never be able to leave this
room. Up until now, Vallari thought only people had such attachments to places and things.
But, after watching the behavior of these bugs, she came to believe that it is the same with
all the living organisms in this god’s creation when it comes to running after worthless things.
Just in that moment, a thousand-watt bulb lit up in her head! She decided to get used to the
idea; she should learn to live amicably with these bug families, not fight them.
She noticed something else also—the bug visits are limited to a bug a day! And that is
strange but livable!
(The Telugu original, velugu was published on my blog, http://tethulika.wordpress.com on 10
July 2010.)