SCARED
Nidadavolu Malathi
“Chitti dear, will you please go to the post office and mail this letter?”
“I will, grandma, later. I am studying for the exam.”
“It’s past three. The post office closes soon. You can study after mailing the letter, can’t you?”
“Okay, I’ll go. You’re always like this. You ask me to do something and won’t stop until it’s done.”
“Uh, is that so? Okay. I’ll find somebody else to mail it.”
“Never mind. I’ll go.”
“You know the way?”
“Will find out. I am new to the town, not dumb. Don’t I have to find my way to the exam center tomorrow?
Isn’t it the same?”
“I guess. It’s too far away. Just go to the big market and past three lanes, turn right. You can’t miss the
red brick building on your left.”
“Okay, I’ll find out. Don’t worry.”
“Um. Maybe I should go with you?”
“Oh, no, Grandma, not necessary. Don’t worry. I can find the place. You don’t have to come with me.
You’re not feeling well, and it is so hot out there.”
“All right. Be careful. Go straight to the post office and come home.”
“Don’t talk to me as if I’m a baby. Are you going to push me around like this even after I go to the
college?”
“Oh yes. Forgot, now you’re all grown up, a high school grad!”
000
I don’t understand why grandma is so scared. Hardly a week since I’ve come here to take the test, she’
s chewing me up, on my case, constantly, … be careful, be careful… What’s going to happen to me
anyways? Like some monster is going to eat me up. What about her. She goes to the temple and
lectures, doesn’t she? She won’t be back until after nine. Doesn’t she see that I’ll be worried too? On
top of it, she tells me, you’re alone, be careful, don’t open the door to strangers … Um. She’s the one
that needs to be careful, with her heart condition and all that. I’m so scared for her, she might collapse
in the middle of the street somewhere …
Um, Grandma, always afraid of something or other… Afraid to go out, afraid to stay home, afraid of
dark, afraid of new place, strange people, afraid to talk and afraid to keep quiet. .. What is this fear?
Chup, so stupid, if you ask me.… What’s that? … Who’s that, it looks like somebody is following me! …
Should I stop and look? ,,, Ooh, that’s scary. Oh boy! He’s like a monster. WHO IS HE? Why follow me?
Why? What does he want? Maybe, I should tell somebody? To whom? Na, no good, what can I say to
them? After all, the street is a public place. He has as much right to be on the street as I. That’s what
anybody would say. One more peek at him … wow, soooo big, brawny … I wish I’d left the gold chain at
home. In fact, Grandma told me to leave it at home. Wish I’d listened to her. … Maybe he’s not
following me … Am I becoming like Grandma, always suspicious? I can turn back and see … No
question … he is following me. Now what? Where are all the policemen? Not one shows when I need
them… Um…Maybe, I should stop somebody on the street, and tell them I’m in trouble. Whom? That
man? This woman? No, silly. They’d say I’m being silly. ..
Oh, no, where am I going? Did I pass three lanes or four? This idiot on my mind … he made me lose
my way! Should turn left or right? I can’t remember. Oh, god, where are you? Where are you when I
need you? Help me. There, that woman is looking nice, a kind of kindly.
“Ma’am, which way to the post office?”
“That way.”
“I am coming from there. I missed the lane?”
“I guess so.”
“Are you going there too?”
“No, not to the post office. I’m turning right at the next crossroad. You need to go further up and turn
left. Are you new to this place?”
“Yes, ma’am, I came here just last week to write the high school diploma exam. I am staying with my
Grandma. Thanks, ma’am.”
There again, he also turned around, he is following me… I can’t take this anymore, have to settle this
once for all. If he wants to rob me, let him do so and be done with it.
“Hey, why are you following me?”
“Oh, child, did I scare you? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“Well, I’m not scared. I want to know why you’re following me.”
“I don’t know the way to the post office. I saw you’re going there. I thought I’d follow you.”
“How do you know I’m going to the post office?”
“Way back, there, I heard you ask somebody.”
“You could’ve asked somebody yourself, couldn’t you?.”
“Dear child, I come from a small town, came to the city for the first time. I am afraid to talk to the city
folks.”
“You? Scared? That’s funny. You look like you can take on ten rowdies in a snap!”
“Well, I’m big alright. You know we village men are used to eating millet and working in the fields.
Getting big body is no big thing for us. But I’m afraid to talk. I ain’t no educated and am afraid that folks
laugh at my language.”
“You? Afraid to talk with others? That’s strange. I’d imagine you can scare away half a dozen husky
fellows in a snap. All right. Hurry, it is getting late, the post office closes soon.”
(August 26, 2010)